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The Vortex

17th January, 2008. 6:58 pm. Redneck Jedi

You might be a Redneck Jedi if.....

-You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
-Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
-You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
-At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
-You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
-You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
-The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
-Wookies are offended by your B.O.
-You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
-You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
-Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside ...it'll be a hoot."
-You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
-You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
-You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
-You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
-Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
-You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
-You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
-You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
-If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... and your uncle ."

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13th December, 2007. 8:59 pm. It doesn't get better than this!

There is some quality reading on that wowio.com site I recommended the other day. They are constantly adding new books every day too, so I highly recommend the rss feed to stay up to date.

Otherwise how would I have heard of this rare gem?

Furious Fist of the Drunken Monkey 01
"A down on his luck chimp with a drinking problem comes to possess a powerful alien weapon, and he has to decide if he'll work to save the world or use it as the ultimate bottle opener."

That is an actual quote too!


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12th December, 2007. 7:13 pm. Heroes

If you haven't seen the spoof of Heroes on NBC's website, you should check it out.

Try going here:

Or just go to nbc.com/heroes and click on videos.

Then click on "web exclusives"

Then click on "extra bits"

Then look for the four episodes of "Zeroes"

People brought together with meaningless powers. One guy can kick himself in the back of the head even! It must have been hilarious trying to do the auditions for that show...

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3rd December, 2007. 6:19 pm. What kind of monster are you?

You Are A Vampire

You have a real thirst for bliss, and you consider yourself a true hedonist.
And you're not afraid to walk alone in life, if it means getting what you truly crave.
You truly enjoy entrancing people. Not to mention the ensuing pleasures of the flesh.
Your tastes have been called decadent and bizarre. You usually give in to your temptations, no matter how primal

Your greatest power: Your flawless ability to seduce and charm

Your greatest weakness: Human flesh

You play well with: Werewolves

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3rd December, 2007. 6:17 pm. Free Books!

Checkout http://www.wowio.com.

They have free books. Best books I have found there are children's books, comic books and classics. They even have soe of the Will Eisner comics!

and hey, it's free!

The catch is you are limited to 3 a day download, but for free, still nice.

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15th November, 2007. 9:33 pm. Free Money!!! No really!

If you haven't been there in a while, or never, you should check out Washington state's unclaimed modey website.


Type in your name, your families name, your friends names, your doctors names, your job, whatever and see who has money coming to them! If you work it right you might be able to even talk them into giving you a reward for finding their money. :)

Every time I search, at least 1 in 10 people I search for has money, and usually it is more like 3 in 10. The best way to search is by first initial and last name. I just did a search of 50 people and found 2 had money. You can also do businesses now, which is cool. Get a raise from your boss for finding your job is owed money! Try typing in Boeing and see how many uncashed checks are floating around out there for them. Another idea? Try typing in the name of your church. I found both my church and my wife's parent's church were owed money. You could probably start a whole ministry just typing in the word church and finding all those churches that are owed money and let them know! One of my friends is even listed with an unidentified safety deposit box, and my old pastor is listed as having shares of stock!

It could come from anywhere, a prize you won but couldn't be delivered, a bank account you forgot about, a bill you overpaid when you moved and never got the refund, a check lost in the mail, an inheritance that never caught up with you even.

Go! Do it now! You would be surprised...

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8th November, 2007. 3:28 pm. I actually felt old today...

I was talking to a friend about that myspace account I am trying to figure out. I'm getting the hang of it, but it is a bit more confusing than I had thought. A little more options than I had wanted. That's when I started feeling like an old fogey here.

I could just picture sitting on a front porch with a laptop saying:

"What's with these bulletins,comments, journals, diaries and blog entries? What? Is an email not good enough for kids these days? Why when I was a kid we only had email, and that was on a dial up connection with a 32 bit modem! It would take 3 days just to send one email, both ways! And we were glad we had that! Boy I tell ya..."

hehehe... The sad part is, it's true! Well, actually I didn't have email really when I first got the internet. I started with BBS's, where you would leave posts and others would come and reply. Sort of like usenet, which was the very next thing I got after BBS's. Then came email. Nowadays almost no one knows what usenet is except the hackers and porn addicts. I do remember trying to connect with a 300 baud modem. You would try to load up an email and you would see a letter show up, then wait a couple minutes and another letter. Why if you started loading an email and went to dinner, by the time you were done with dinner you might even have up to 3 whole words! and I thought that was pretty dang cool. :) I still have that old computer a Vic20 with cassette tape drive, cartridges, tv adapter and 300 baud modem too...lol

Lets see, a kilobyte is 1000 bits, 300 baud is 300 bits or .3 kb, and my service now is about 6 megabytes, which would be what? 1,000,000 bits? So the service now is 3,333 times faster than what I had.

Okay, found a comparison website:

It shows actual download speeds for a 300 baud modem would be .03 kb/second. So, an average email of lets say 15 kb woud take 50 seconds without any delays, which we know there were plenty of interuptions in those days. I would usually lose connection and have to redial in every 5-10 minutes, and logging in woud take a while too. So, saying an email would load in 3 minutes actually is not too far off. Now a small picture of 300kb would be 1000 seconds with no delay, which is 16.7 minutes, and with delays, could be an hour. I remember waiting for pictures... Man, those were the days.

Current mood: Old.

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6th November, 2007. 9:38 pm. Question?

Is anyone on myspace? I have avoided that for so long, but now all my bro-in-laws and friends are on it and they have pictures there I want to see, and blah, blah, blah... So yeah I signed up. It helps that someone signed me up a long time ago though. It gets kind of annoying when that happens, but sometimes it is actually ok. You see, my email address is so generic, that when people make up a fake email address, they use mine purely by chance. Then on top of that there are an awful lot of people who must have an email address they wish was mine, but they couldn't get mine because I took it, so they get a slight mis-spelling or whatever, but then they forget, and use the right spelling, and accidentally sign me up. If you are wondering, it is randomstuff on hotmail. Pretty generic eh? I have been signed up for anything that is slightly popular, usually a bunch of times, because more than one person will try, or the same person will try a few times wondering why they don't get the confirmation email. Nearly every social site, game site, photo site, blog site, porn site, hmo sites, even a couple banks... The banks are the ones that make me wonder... They open an account and then send me their pin and all the account info, usually over and over because they aren't getting any of the emails for some reason... I usually go log in and change the welcome name to "FIX YOUR EMAIL!!! AND DON"T SEND ME YOUR PIN!!!". They are really blessed I am an honest guy. I have a few lifetime memberships to websites that I can't contact the people who paid for them, because I don't have an email address, or enough info to contact them, and they don't have the login password because it was sent to me... One of those cost $139. I have been signed up for dating sites too. You know the secret for guys signing up on dating sites if they want to actually get email? the one guy who signed me up and got emails, only wrote, he was a guy, he was over 6 foot, he was athletic, and he wanted to meet a nice woman. That's it, not even any picture. He got like 3 emails a day until I changed his info to something less desireable. So less is better for guys with online dating, I bet it makes you seem mysterious... Oh yes, I have also gotten a lot of people that they have given out my email address as their own. To friends.. family... and girls they were trying to score with... I try to let the people know I am not who they think they are writing and can they tell him to stop giving out my email address. Sometimes they don't speak english though. Usually it is spanish, occassionaly russian, and rarely an asian language, which I can't tell the difference between japanese, chinese or whatever else. I will try to google translate and let them know. There was one girl who only spoke spanish that kept writing me for a while because she thought I was nice guy for letting her know, and trying to speak spanish to her when I didn't know how. Not hitting on me, just friendly hi's, and thank you, and you are so nice, and telling me a bit about her day or her life and trying to ask about mine. Eventually I think the language barrier kicked in enough she faded away. Oh, and someone's mom keeps emailing me encouragement "You are such a good person! Cheer up!" and congratulations, "Wow! Way to go David! I am so proud of you." and jokes and expressions of love, and she doesn't seem to get my emails trying to tell her I am not david, because she just keeps writing. Although, now that I think of it, that would be kind of a cool social experiment, to write someone like they were your son and sound like you are getting normal emails from your son and sending replies to a stranger, and then somehow not getting the stranger's replies. I have actually felt encouraged sometimes by it, and the mom seems very caring, and I get news about the sister sometimes too. She sounds like she is doing well. That all reminds me of that social experiment where they kept telling that one kid he was a hero in the future and such, until he was into it enough they sent him a plane ticket and made him part of an extravagant live action improvised futuristic play with him as the hero, and he didn't know any of his lines, he just had to react. It sounded pretty cool. Back to google though... You should know that google doesn't translate japanese or chinese very well at all. From those languages to english you can kind of puzzle out half of what they say, although some things will really throw you. Like when you get an email sayng, "Hi bright sir. Most nice are you person. I would like to write on you. When do you work at being jobless? I work at army boots and king boss marches on my head so exciting. You know king boss banana peel? They work have there also? Leaves are falling across mountain tops while the stream waters the valley of the village. Do you agree? It is very urgent you understand that. Mother takes the milk. Knock your head nicely! Smile at my face!" Yes, that is almost verbatim a real email I got. Well, it was written in japanese, but that is what Google swears that it meant! But don't try to write to someone and translate it through google to japanese, ever. You wil get letters back that politely ask if you have been in the sun to long and worry about you and suggest you are insane, have you been in a hospital recently and they hurt their head reading the emails. I wondered about that so I tried writing a fairly simple email, transated it to japanese, then back again to english. I think google has an agenda to alienate other countries or something. I mean that seriously. Not only did it mess up the translation, it actually added complete lines I had never typed. In some cases it would add a whole paragraph! The thing is, the added lines and paragraphs were the only things that translated correctly. Something simple as "Hi, how are you. Thanks for your email. My name is actually Stephen." Turned into something like "Hi you awful nose. You write email to me? I am Stephen! Your mother wore communist boots and marched around the square and I knew she wanted to march on my head. Thank you very much." It was no wonder that I get such extreme responses to my attempts. The most persistent person is some 15-16 year old boy from the UK who gives out my email like crazy and has for over a year now, and all his friends try to add me as a friend in all their social sites and I then get tons of emails from 15-17 year old girls wanting to hang out with me, until they learn my age. lol! That has been the quickest way to stop them, although occassionally one will still try to keep emailing me, but teens really do have short attention spans, so they give up pretty quickly. So, anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yes, myspace. I am not sure how it works, and I keep having to clear out some of the junk of whoever signed up for it that I missed here and there. It helps me not to get emails saying they tried to find me on myspace and uh, that definitely wasn't you... The account had been inactive since the day it was created, but the person obviously was 13 and was trying to meet girls for nefarious porpoises. I am trying to make it look decent, put some pics up, some songs, and some words. I guess it seems to me like an online interactive scrap book. Uh, I forget what username I got, but you can search by email. :)

EDIT: I almost forgot! The most annoying thing of all is if they signed me up, and it is a site that has crazy security! I ran into one where I was actually trying to sign up, found I was already a member, but I didn't know any of the security questions obviously, and they wouldn't let me sign up at all unless I chose a different email address, and refused to send me an email with password reset info! Rrrrrr... Oh wait, that sounds like another site I know...

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26th October, 2007. 5:13 pm. I'm getting a Chumby!

Yeah, you're probably thinking, "What is it?" or possibly something perverted.

Basically it is a gadget, or a techie toy. I got advance notice and get it before the general public. That's reason enough to buy it right there isn't it? heh



Wi-fi connectivity
Lifetime access to the free Chumby Network
Over-the-air software updates
3.5" LCD color touchscreen
Two external USB 2.0 full-speed ports
350 MHz ARM processor
64 MB NAND flash ROM
Stereo 2W speakers
Headphone output
Squeeze sensor
Accelerometer (motion sensor)
iPod® support
Leather casing
AC adapter included
Open Source Software
Open Source Hardware
Completely Hckable, Hacking encouraged.

If you hack something good, you're encouraged to share, and you can see what hacks other people have done and try those yourself. You can also create your own widgets. It can basically do anything that needs either speakers, touchscreen, motion sensor, wireless connection or all of the above. If I could figure out how to hook up my wii thru the usb port, I could use it to play wii on, or maybe have it as a wii remote, or a programmable tv remote. Or to surf the internet, or check email, watch my ebay bids or sales, setup an alarm clock with persona mp3 alarm, play and charge ipod, use it as a magic 8 ball, hang it from a door knob and make into a portable security alarm, whatever the heck I want to do with it and can imagine! And I am not limited to just doing one of those, I can do them all!

Now I wonder when I will actually get it...

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24th October, 2007. 10:16 am. This ones for the Cap'n

A free podcast wizard, availble and must be installed today only.

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